Well, I finally did it.  I cancelled Eve Online after playing this game between 5 and 7 years.  It was and is a great game and to CCP I have to say that I very much enjoyed the product of their efforts.  And to all the players I gamed with, it was fun shooting and getting shot by you all.

To say this game was an addiction is an understatement.  It helped me get through some pretty bad times.. but also helped create some bad situations for myself on a personal level.  Still, I find that it turned out to be a symptom of some more serious issues that I had going on.

And ADHD rears Its Ugly Head

You see, I have ADHD, and Eve Online was complicated enough that my mind was able to “rest” while I played.  And boy, having your mind rest was really nice.  Those of you who have ADHD know what I mean.  It became the one place where I wasn’t confused, forgetful, distracted, etc.  However, it usually also meant alienation of family and friends, very long gaming hours, and little sleep.

I was only recently diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, when I was 40.  It was a tough go.  I just got diagnosed, went to a doctor to get the medicine I was prescribed a month later, to which the doctor noticed my high blood pressure so I had to get that reduced before I could get the medicine to deal with my ADHD, and a month after that doctor visit I lost my job and medical benefits.  The replacement Obamacare insurance didn’t cover psychiatric visits (even though the bloody insurance cost me nearly $300 a month.. “price of a cell phone plan” my backside), and so for the next year or so I suffered through college like I had all my life, not realizing how much my mind was off.

Well, apparently my mind was really off and had been all that time.  About two months ago I was finally able to get some supplements* that worked very well surprisingly (not Gingko Bilboa.. which was even more surprising), and I pretty much made a HUGE life course correction.  Seriously, I went from gaming 10-16 hours a day to barely being able to handle Candy Crush for more than 15 minutes before I felt compelled to do something more constructive like exercise, or re-learning guitar, as well as doing chores around the house.  A complete 180 from much of my life.

Another thing is that I used to get pretty bad anxiety issues as well.  A lot of this was based off of issues related to ADHD, like getting fired or getting instructions wrong, etc.  As I got older, the anxiety increased with the addition of my family.  It can get so bad that I can’t even leave my bedroom, or I actually “fear” getting on a treadmill or bench press, or doing anything.  There was never anything specific about the fear, it was just pure, illogical fear.  It would come without reason and without notice.  I could have a great day the night before, and wake up almost unable to function the next day, completely cold, utterly fearful, and totally random.

Conclusion

Well, apparently my solution to my ADHD has also made me not to want to play video games.. go figure.  I do wish I had figured this out about 20 years ago.. my life would have been considerably different to say the least, but better the change now then never.  There are still a few issues I am trying to figure out.. like why I get really cold when I have anxiety and while I am really warm when I am doing really good mentally (if you have a idea, drop a line).  But one thing I would like to say if you think you have ADHD go check yourself out… it may change your entire universe.

*the supplement I use and found most effective was “Focus Factor”.  I am not a doctor, nor am I promoting this particular product.

Advertisements